


Carry On But Don't Forget Me

by mooseyfate



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bottom Dean, Comforting Castiel, Comforting Dean, Confused Castiel, Crying Dean, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean Wearing Castiel's Trenchcoat, Dean has a Panty Kink, Destiel - Freeform, Embarrassed Dean, Embarrassment, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Flustered Dean, Kinky Dean, Kissing, M/M, Men Crying, Romance, Smut, Top Castiel, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, destiel smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 14:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7318897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooseyfate/pseuds/mooseyfate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam has gone back to school and now Cas is thinking of going too. Dean tries to cope with the thought of being alone and discovers some new feelings in the process</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preface

Dean looked down at his shoes, worn and dirty, caked with mud. He wanted him to stay. He needed it. His eyes burned as the world in front of him blurred, his shoes becoming nothing more than a splash of brown across his vision. He couldn't do this, not again, no, he wouldn't last a day.  
He let the hot tears flow from his eyes and grasped at the sides of his head. His face scrunched up in disgust for himself. He couldn't do this, he had no right to be upset like this. He should be happy for Cas… happy that he could be with his family. Being upset like this was selfish. He let out a low groan as these thoughts pushed even more tears from his depths. His breathing was ragged, his lungs seemingly spasming, revolting against these emotions. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to stop the sting, stop the tears from pouring out. He'd be alone if Cas was gone. It had been hard when Sam decided to go back to college but he knew he couldn't stop him. No more being selfish...he had to let go. But this was different, this was Cas, and without him there would be no one left. He'd be all alone to wallow in these thoughts--

“Dean?” He jumped at the sudden sound, quickly wiping his face, turning away and hiding himself from the voice.

“Dean what happened?” it was Cas.  
His breathing was still hitched, his face still red and his body still heaving--there was no hiding this.

“Dean...please” concern etched into his voice. He knew exactly what Cas’ expression was, even though he hadn't looked up.

“Cas I….” his voice was breaking, he could feel another wave of sobs rising up.  
He clawed at his face, willing the tears to stop, willing this feeling to go away.. he needed to be happy for Cas. He was finally going to go to school, he was going to learn and he couldn't let himself get in the way of that. No matter how far away he would be...

Cas swiftly moved to his side, pulling him into his arms and holding Dean’s head to his shoulder.  
“Cas...what are you...doing?” Dean’s head peaked up from the crevice of Cas’ neck, still sniffling.  
“You seemed distressed...so...I’m helping” Dean gave a small chuckle at this, making Cas’ shoulder move with his laughter.  
“Why are you laughing at me?” Dean finally picked his head up, his smile stretching wide on his face and his tears creating gleaming trails down to his chin.  
“Dean I don’t understand, are you hurt? Your eyes are...wet” He searched Dean’s face, waiting for a response.  
“Ah Cas...I’m alright” The grin never leaving his face as he looked into Cas’s eyes. He was doing the right thing.


	2. Whether the glass is half empty or full, there is still some left to drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean slips back into alcoholism as a way of trying to cope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alcoholism warning for those who are uncomfortable with the thought, and Dean goes to a pretty bad place in his head (low self esteem)

Dean had never done very well in school. He would blame it on the constant moving around his family had done, but Sammy was living proof that it wasn't the case. Thinking about that fact too much put him in a bad mood. Now that Sammy and Cas were both leaving him for school...it made him hate the very idea of it.

Sammy had gone back to Stanford a couple months back and in doing so he'd gotten Cas all riled up about going to school. He deserved to go, hell, he'd probably be better off there than he ever would here with Dean. He sighed to himself at the thought and grabbed another beer. He stared at the brown bottle for what seemed like hours, his eyes fixed upon the the droplets that coated it and fell to the ground. He put it back and instead poured himself a glass of whiskey. He gripped it tightly with both hands, and shakily brought it to his lips. His hands trembled, creating an audible chatter as the glass hit his teeth. Sam had told him he wouldn't come back to visit if he started drinking heavily again...but if Cas was leaving him too then who would know? And with that he quickly tipped the glass and gulped down its entire contents. He could feel the slow burn of the drink as it moved down his throat and spread throughout his body. It was a dull warmth, but it was one that he missed and at least now he didn't feel so goddamn empty…

He slammed the glass down on the table with such force he was surprised that it didn't break. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and ran his fingers through his hair.

Time to pour another.  
. . .  
He lost track of the number of drinks he'd forced down and he couldn't speak without slurring every word. The bottle was empty. Shit. What time was it? He scrambled for a watch or a clock, something that could tell him the time of day. How long had it been? He didn't even know when he started. Shit. What if Cas came in? He was sure Sam had talked to him about this. He tried to stand up from the chair and wobbled with every step. He tried using the furniture to support him but he only succeeded in knocking things over. Suddenly his hand slipped from the smooth frame of one of the chairs and he fell, knocking over the glass whiskey bottle in the process. Fuck. He muttered under his breath and got onto his knees as he tried to pick up the tiny shards of glass all over the floor. But his coordination failed him yet again and he was left with a plethora of cuts in his hands and a few shards that had simply implanted themselves in his palm. He tried wiping his hands in his pants but cringed when the pieces were pushed in even further. He started to weep then, his back and shoulders heaving. He looked as if he were vomiting but instead came the tears. Ugh, those tears, those stupid tears...he was pathetic. He looked disgusting, kneeling in a mess of his own making, covered in his own blood and tears. How could anyone love him when he acted like this? When he couldn't even control himself enough to resist a drink? When all he did was whine and cry over things he could not have? Nobody wants him, nobody wants to deal with a mess of a person like this...that's why everyone left him, that's why Cas would leave him too.


	3. Blackout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's thoughts and insecurities begin to show through

Dean awoke in a strange room inside a well made bed, bleary eyed and head pounding. He tried to sit himself up but he was met with a shooting pain in both his hands--they were covered in bandages which were dotted with blood.  
“Dean, how are you feeling?” Cas spoke lowly from his right. He was sitting in a chair directly next to the bed, close enough to hear his steady, rhythmic breathing in the silence. Dean wondered how he hadn't noticed him immediately. Cas wore the same worried expression he was used to seeing, he thought to himself in that moment that he looked a bit like Sam; with eyebrows knit together and eyes soft and full of concern. It made him ache.  
“What...what happened?” Dean looked around the room and realized he was in Cas’ room...in Cas’ bed.  
“You don't remember anything?” the lines in his forehead seemed to deepen.  
“Remember what? Did I do something? Whatever it is Cas, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry” _please dont be angry with me ___. He wracked his brain, searching and searching for what the hell he had done. His hands were bloody, maybe he'd gotten into a fight? But with whom? Over what? He was completely blank.  
“Alright...what's the last thing you remember?  
_oh ___.  
In that moment it all came rushing back and he felt sick, sick of himself and stupid habits. It was like a punch to the gut and he felt a twist in his throat as he tried to hold back tears. _not again ___. He was a failure.  
“...Dean?” Cas looked as though he was about to reach out his hand but quickly snapped it back and fidgeted with his trench coat.  
Without thinking, Dean reached over and pulled Cas’ hand over to his lap. He held it with both hands and ever so carefully traced the lines of his palm, taking in every groove and scar so that he would remember exactly what they looked like. It was these hands that had helped him up so many times, that had bandaged him up and cared for him all this years. These hands which he did nothing to deserve. Cas...who he did not deserve.  
“Why do you do all this for me?” It came out just as a whisper, anything more would have let the sobs loose because he was already choked up.  
“Because...I care about you, Dean”  
“But...why? What have I ever done to make you care about me at all?” these were words he never thought would leave his lips, let alone be said directly to Cas. His nervousness had become audible and tears had begun to trail down his cheeks.  
“I don't understand the question...why wouldn't I care about you?” His brow was more furrowed than ever, his look of sheer confusion was almost laughable.  
Dean breathed deeply and his chest shuddered and hiccupped. He couldn't do this. “Nothing...nothing...nevermind, forget I said anything”  
“I don't want to forget” Cas looked at him dead in the eye, and his hand tightened around Dean's.  
“I don't know what happened to you but if you don't want to tell me, that's okay, all that matters is that you're safe now, and I'll take care of you. You hadn't answered the phone for hours and I was worried you had overslept and didn't go to work so I came to check on you and…”  
“And?”  
“You were in your room covered in blood and broken glass.”  
Dean was silent for a moment. “It won't happen again. I promise."


	4. Eavesdropping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean hears Cas talking to someone about his recent behavior...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /AND SO THE TENSION BEGINS/   
> //smut soon I promise//

Dean felt uneasy in the apartment now, he felt that his actions around Cas needed to expertly executed so he could make up for what he did...and maybe then he could even forgive himself.

A few days after the incident he was coming back from the kitchen he heard muffled whispers coming from Cas’ room. He felt his throat tighten and his jaw clench. _Did Cas have someone over?_ He wasn't sure why the thought bothered him so much. Cas has had people over before, but never without telling him. And never hushed in his room like that…

He waited in front of Cas’ closed bedroom door, tempted to press his ear up to it. He felt himself leaning into it, too curious for his own good. Without even realizing it, the door was only a breath away and he could hear them as if he were in the room. They must have been close to the door.

“I’m worried about him Sam...I don’t know what’s going on...he’s acting strange.”  
 _Sam?_   
His eyes widened with fear and drops of sweat began to form around his ear, now pressed to the door.  
“Strange how?”  
“He’s just not himself, please, I don’t know what to do”  
“Just keep an eye on him for now, let me know if anything changes--other than that you can’t do much”  
“Alright...I’m just so...worried.”  
“I know Cas, I know, but it’ll be alright”  
“Sam…”  
“Look...if it doesn’t get better soon then i’ll come by”  
“Alright. I’ll just watch him then.”  
“Give me an update in a few days and we’ll see how it is. I’ll talk to you later”  
“Goodbye”

_He made Cas worry about him_  
God couldn’t he do anything right? What was he good for? Nothing. All he did was mess things up. Cas would still be happy if he didn’t pull his little stunt the other night. This made him want to drink even more. He felt the ache spread all throughout his body, an emptiness begging for substance, a hunger that cursed his days. Want wasn’t even the right word, it was a need, a terrible need to be coddled and cared for like a child. But he was a grown man and he need to get by on his own and stop being so clingy. It was for the benefit of others, of those he loved. Because he did, he loved Cas, as much as he did Sam. But it was a different kind of love, something much harder to place. It was what made the thought of him leaving so much more unbearable. 

His thoughts were broken by the sudden shifting motions coming from inside the room. He was so startled that he jumped away from the door and tripped on his own feet, landing on his ass with a loud **thump**

The door opened slowly and Cas’ head poked out. “Dean?”  
“Hey...I uh...tripped” He said, hoping to play it off as if he hadn’t heard a thing.  
The door opened wider and his face flushed hot with embarrassment, both from having been caught on his ass and from noticing that Cas didn’t have a shirt on.  
“Did you hit your face? It looks red.” His face grew hotter at this comment and he let out a nervous chuckle. _The confused look on Cas’ face was just one of the things he’d miss…_  
His smile drooped a little at that thought but faded when he looked back up at him.

Cas followed Dean’s gaze to his own chest. Maybe Dean had a sunburn?  
“I was just about to take a shower, are you alright down there?”  
Dean gave a little gasp as he realized he still hadn’t gotten up off the floor. _What was this feeling?_  
“Yeah...yeah I’m alright” He said sheepishly as he scrambled to his feet. “I’m gonna...I’m gonna go” he mumbled as he gave an awkward salute and fast walked down the hall to his own room.


	5. Can I borrow some soap?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean doesn't know what to do with these feelings but they sure freak him out

Dean hurried to his room and shut the door behind him. He leaned against it and let out a loud sigh.  
 _what the hell was that?_  
His heart pounded in his chest and reverberated throughout his body. He walked over to his bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. His face was a full blown pink and he was sure that if Sam was here he’d be laughing at him. He’d been living with Cas for a year now and nothing like that had ever happened. He’d never gotten this fluttery feeling before.All he knew was that he didn’t want Cas to leave him, but that he also wanted him to be happy...so if that meant he had to let him go then….that’s what he’d have to do. He took some deep breaths and washed his face, trying to rid himself of all these feelings--

“Dean, do you have any soap I can borrow?”  
Dean whipped around so fast he almost fell over, he hadn't heard the door open and there Cas was, in the doorway, naked.   
“DAMMIT CAS HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, YOU CAN’T JUST WALK AROUND NAKED LIKE THAT”  
He filled with dread as he realized his face was heating up again. “Go..go put on a towel and I’ll get you some soap” he said, trying his hardest to keep his voice level. He turned and went back into his bathroom and grabbed his soap from the edge of the tub. _what the fuck is going on today?_ He made his way out of his room and down the hall to Cas’ bedroom. “Here's the soa-” he froze. Cas was waiting for him there on the bed.  
He looked up at Dean a smiled but it faltered when it wasn't returned.  
“Oh...I uh...couldn't find the towel” Cas looked down at himself, suddenly feeling embarrassed because of the way Dean was looking at him. It was hard to place his expression, it seemed like a mixture of many things. He looked a bit pained, uncomfortable, but also intrigued. Cas could read him well, but he still didn't know what was going on. He tried to examine even further, he wanted to understand, because he wanted to help. He noticed Dean begin to shift awkwardly and his jeans looked rather tight. It looked like he had something in his pocket. 

At once they both seemed to realize they'd been staring at one another for much too long and looked away.   
“H-here’s the soap” he hated that it came out a stutter. He quickly put it on the dresser and zoomed out of the room with such speed he was surprised he didn't trip on anything.


	6. You're a Trooper, Eh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING:  
> GRAPHIC

He sat on his bed, breathing heavily as he trembled. He'd never felt so embarrassed and nervous in his life. It was just Cas...why was he reacting like this? He started to get up from the bed but felt a terrible pain. Something pressed hard against the inside of his jeans and he realized in horror what had happened. _I got a fucking boner?_ He sat back down on the bed and winced as it rubbed against the tight fabric again. He dug his elbows into his thighs and held his head in his hands. _what the fuck does this mean?_ He hoped to god Cas didn’t notice it. Would Cas even know what he saw? Cas may be...confused at times, but he wasn't stupid. On top of that he knew for a fact that he’d seen porn before...especially after that incident with Meg. Why was he worrying so much? He didn’t like Cas like...that. No, that was unthinkable. Cas was a friend, a good friend, and that was it. Maybe he just needed to go out and get a girl, clear his mind. _My dick is obviously confused…_ he chuckled to himself at that thought. Confused.  
He’d just been worrying over Cas leaving that he’d neglected this part of himself. He needed some release. Maybe he’d go out tonight. _yeah, that sounds good_  
He motioned to get up again and sighed when he realized his jeans were still very, very tight. _Guess it’s time for a cold shower…_  
He walked awkwardly into his bathroom and began to strip off his clothes. After taking off his shirt he turned the shower on let it run. His chest gleamed with a layer of sweat and with some effort he was able to peel off his boxers and jeans. He was surprised to see that he was still hard. _Jesus, you’re a trooper, eh?_  
He braced himself for the cold and stepped inside the tub, letting the water crash against his face and body. He shivered a bit and the water dripped and slid down the arch of his back and onto his ass. That image of Cas on the bed wouldn't leave his mind even then. He was there, splayed out and naked on the bed...just for him. _Wait, what?_ His eyes snapped open wide, the thought had been shocking...but he couldn't say he disliked it. He huffed in annoyance with himself. _where the **hell** are these feelings coming from? _ He didn't need these goddamn feelings, he was having a hard enough time letting go of Cas as it was…

He looked down and groaned. Still hard. It was like someone had popped him full of ED pills. _I can't fucking deal with this right now_ Since the cold didn't seem to be taking care of anything he decided to just take a regular shower and set the water so that it was steamy.

Soon his thoughts began to drift again and they fell back to Cas waiting on that bed. He hadn't felt an attraction like that in quite some time. Before he knew it he was touching himself. One hand was posted on the wall in front of him and the other was pumping away at his cock. He gasped as the sensation speak throughout his body, slick and hot with the water still pounding down on him. His breath came out hard and heavy and got louder as he came closer to his tipping point. He imagined Cas behind him, breathing on his neck and grabbing his chest. Scenarios of all kinds flooded his mind and he let out a moan, his cock twitched and his back arched, it almost felt too good. His moans got louder and louder and seemed to echo in the room, he briefly wondered if Cas could hear him but the concern was drowned out with want and need. The thought that Cas might hear his moans only added to his fantasy. He was so close now, his cock throbbed and his muscles tensed, he was right on the edge.  
“Dean, are you alright?”  
The sound of Cas’ voice came from just beyond the curtain, and it was exactly what Dean needed to finish. But this time his moan came out as Cas’ name. His cum came out fast, shooting onto the wall in front of him, some dripping onto the floor of the tub and his hand. His body shuddered with the aftershocks and his breath came out in short labored puffs.  
“DEAN” Cas ripped the shower curtain right open, fearing for his friend’s life. “Dean are you-” before he could finish Dean leaned in and pressed his lips onto Cas’, a chaste, tentative kiss.


	7. Heat of The Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's got some 'splainin to do, Cas is confused as hell and calls Sam to try to shed some light on whats going on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! sorry it's been long without and update but its the longest chapter so far so I hope you enjoy!

Dean broke the kiss as suddenly as he had initiated it and felt a pit begin to grow in his stomach. _Jesus Christ why did I do that?_ Cas looked up at him, wide eyed and confused.  
“I...thought you were hurt” he said, observing every inch of Dean’s naked body. “You were calling my name...did you want this to happen?”  
Dean couldn't meet the angel’s eyes as he tried to think of a response. The truth would be unbearably embarrassing and he didn’t know if Cas would even understand what he meant. His lips tingled from their short kiss and he had the urge to lick them. It occurred to him that he was still being watched and he stiffened up. His hand was still covered in his own cum and the tub was also splattered with it. He hoped with every fiber of his being that Cas wouldn’t ask him to explain that.  
“I uh….I just…” He scrambled for words, unable to think of a plausible story that would satisfy him.  
“I just got...carried away...in some...thoughts” he said sheepishly, trying very hard to leave out any sexual detail.  
“In what thoughts? I don’t understand...were you...aroused?” the angel’s eyes flashed to Dean’s cock and the semen dripping from his hand  
Dean was now in a small panic, he couldn’t tell Cas what he’d been thinking about...he couldn’t tell anyone...that would make it all too real. He still didn’t understand this himself, he had no idea where this all came from.  
But now Cas was putting him on the spot and there was no way he could lie to him; he had been quite literally exposed.  
“Is this...something you want from me? Cas asked tentatively, his blue eyes flashed with compassion and made Dean’s skin burn with embarrassment.  
“I…” Dean trembled with the weight of that question. What did he want from Cas? What was he offering to do? What did any of it mean? He felt like his head was spinning and he was so tense he could barely move. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, sporadic and fast. The room started to spin and he started to collapse there in the tub, in front of Cas.  
“DEAN!” he shouted as he grabbed onto him, trying to hold him up. His head smacked the wall before the angel could stop it and he seemed to be unconscious.

After putting in a lot of effort, Cas was able to take Dean’s unconscious body out of the tub and onto his bed. He did his best to clean him up and bandage his head. He wondered briefly if he should try to dress him but decided to just put him under the covers instead. He knew he could heal him but Dean had always been one to protest, he always said he wanted to get through his troubles without any help, and so he only healed him when asked. However in this case it was also because he needed to talk to Sam about this situation immediately and he feared Dean would interfere, He was sure there was no serious problem and that he would wake up just fine, so he wasn’t worried. 

Now was the time to figure out what exactly was happening here.

The phone rang a few times before Sam picked up.  
“Cas?”  
“Yes, it’s me, I need to talk to you”  
“Yeah, sure, what’s up?  
“It’s about Dean”  
“What happened? Is everything okay?” He sounded worried  
“I...I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on”  
“Just tell me what happened”  
“Okay..well, I heard him calling me from the shower and I thought he was hurt so I came in and…”  
“And?”  
“There was some white stuff on the tub and he put his mouth on me”  
“Wait, what?” he questioned, completely dumbfounded  
“Kissed? I think that’s the word you humans use. He kissed me.”  
“Uh…” He stifled some laughter at the confused angel and tried to think of a way to explain it all to him. He smiled to himself as he thought of all the times he’d caught Dean looking at Cas in that dreamy way, longing for him. He should have made a bet with someone for when something would finally happen between the two. He wondered if Dean had finally admitted his feelings to himself or if this was just an outburst from holding it in for so long. If it was the former then they had some serious work to do.  
“Sam?”  
“Yeah, hah, well you see...Dean...likes you”  
“Of course he likes me, I’m his friend, I like him too. What are you trying to say?  
Sam chuckled at how clueless the angel could be, then broke into a laugh as he realized Dean was just as clueless about the situation.  
“No Cas...he uh… really likes you. Like a lot. He...hey why don’t you just ask him?” He saw no reason to have to break the news himself; Dean should be the one to confess his feelings.  
“Trust me Cas, it’ll be alright. Maybe you should consider staying with him, instead of coming with me.  
“Alright...I’ll do that. I’ll ask as soon as he wakes up”  
“Wakes up? Did he fall asleep after that?”  
“Nevermind that, I’ll call you later”

Cas hung up the phone and gave a small sigh. He looked over at Dean with worried eyes and spend the night trying to figure out what Sam had meant. More importantly, he kept replaying the events of that afternoon in his head, trying to understand. And perhaps the most confusing of all, he tried to understand his own feeling on the matter. Dean had always been special to him, from the moment he saved him from hell they shared a special bond that he was sure nothing could break. Dean had always been one to self doubt, and Cas prided himself in being able to lift him up-- from his own personal hell one might say. But now he didn't know what to do, he could barely understand the problem, let alone the solution. But all he was sure of now is that he couldn’t leave Dean’s side. It was clear he was needed here more than anywhere and in truth he didn’t really want to leave. This was his place, right with Dean.


	8. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has to fess up to his behavior....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some seriously graphic smut coming up so be prepared

Dean slowly opened his eyes and sighed at himself. Here he was, waking up injured in Cas’ bed with no idea what happened to him. He felt strange underneath the covers and gave a quick peek at himself. _Dear god I’m naked in Cas’ bed._ He needed clothes, and he wasn’t about to run across the hallway naked. He looked around the room and hoped Cas wasn’t invisibly watching him or something. He got up out of the bed and began to rummage through Cas’ closet for some clothes that would fit him. He came across his signature beige trench coat and chuckled as he wondered how many he might have. He couldn’t recall a single moment when he didn’t see the angel in this trench coat...except when he wasn't wearing anything at all. That image of Cas started to crop up in his mind but he quickly pushed it away. Now was not the time for...that. He decided to put on the worn coat, and it fit snugly on his bare skin. He felt a small thrill in wearing it and secretly hoped Cas would see him. He fingered the collar and smiled as he felt the soft fabric and decided to pop it up. He walked out of the room with his hands deep in the pockets and a rather smug look on his face, almost forgetting why he put on the coat in the first place. He hadn’t even bothered to button it up so it almost defeated the purpose of wearing it at all and his heart fluttered with anticipation.

He kept peering over his shoulder, looking for Cas. He also started to wonder what the hell had happened to him this time for him to have woken up naked like that. But he supposed he could ask Cas if he didn’t remember by then. He really hoped he hadn’t been drinking again, but from the way his head was pounding it was certainly a possibility.   
His thoughts began to drift and he felt tingles on his skin where the coat brushed against him. He shivered a bit, feeling a swift breeze and the sound of wings behind him. He turned and stiffened.   
“Oh, Dean, you’re awake. I…why are you wearing my coat?”  
The trench coat was especially tight around Dean’s well built arms and broad shoulders. The rest seemed to hang loosely around him and his cock peeked through the unbuttoned flaps. Dean felt a mixture of emotions brewing in his chest; a flutter of embarrassment and a dash of arousal from being caught like this--much like that time with Rhonda Hurley. His face burned pink from that thought alone and he began to twitch with desire. _Desire? Desire for what…_  
He was snapped back to reality when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and as his eyes focused he held his breath; Cas was inches from his face.  
“Dean...how do you...feel about me?” The angel inquired, looking very deep in thought.

Dean gave a hard gulp as he searched for the right words to say. Cas was looking right into his eyes, right into his head and he felt transparent.  
“Dean, answer me.” His blue eyes looked more intense than ever, piercing and full of concern. “Do you...want me to leave?”  
“ _NO_ ” The word escaped his mouth before he could even think and he was shocked by the sheer force of it. Cas seemed surprised, though not nearly as surprised as him.   
“Then what _do_ you want, Dean?” the angel asked, this time with both his hands on Dean’s shoulders.  
He felt like he couldn’t breathe, how could he possibly tell him how he felt? He wanted to tell him, so badly, but he was so afraid. There were so many possibilities and he couldn’t risk losing Cas forever or risking what they had.  
His hands seemed to have a mind of their own because even with those thoughts bouncing around in his head they had found their way to Cas’ waist and held it tightly.   
Cas broke the stare and shifted to something warmer, something Dean had never seen before, it was a small smile, barely detectable. He’s sure he would have missed it if he wasn’t so close to his face.   
“Don’t worry Dean...you don’t have to say it...I think I understand” His hands glided along the length of Dean’s shoulders and one moved up to grasp the nape of his neck and the other finding its way to his tense shoulder blades. The angel looked into his sparkling green eyes one last time before gently pulling him down into a long, deep kiss. 

Dean’s lips slipped in between the angel’s and he let out a low satisfied moan into his mouth. He pulled Cas even closer so that they were pressed against each other and he silently thanked himself for not buttoning the trench coat. His cock was hard and throbbed with excitement as Cas pushed him up against the wall. Cas’ scent was all over his body, he was everywhere, he was everything, and Dean wanted more still. He bucked his hips into Cas, rubbing his dripping cock on the angel’s abdomen and moaning all the while. Cas moved down to Dean’s neck and began to kiss and suck lightly on the sensitive skin. He gasped as the touch of the angel’s lips sent shivers of pleasure down his back and he bucked his hips again. He was close now. “ _Do you like that?_ ” he whispered into his ear, a low growl. Dean was so overcome with emotion and the waves of pleasure he could barely speak. He grasped for Cas’ hand and put it on his own cock, breathing heavily as it was enveloped in new warmth. His body ached with desire, he wanted Cas, he wanted all of him and he never wanted to let go. Cas’ hands were all over him, pumping him and grabbing a fist full of his hair. Dean held on to Cas’ body, tighter and tighter as he got closer and closer to the edge. His cock was about to explode, his body tensed rhythmically with every thrust, bucking his hips into Cas’ fist over and over. “I’m not leaving you” Cas whispered. It seemed to echo through him and that was enough to send him right over the edge. His body trembled as he came all over Cas. He almost sank to his knees but the angel made sure to hold him up, close to him still.  
“Jesus...where did you learn to do that?” A smile plastered to his face.  
“Oh...I did some research while you were out”  
Dean let out a wild chuckle and gave Cas a short kiss on the forehead.  
 _So this is what it is to be happy._


End file.
